Sunday, August 26, 2007

Role Playing in a Gay Relationship


How many gay men and women can relate to role playing in a relationship? When I say “role playing” what I mean is somebody takes the role of the “man” and somebody takes the role of a “woman”, although we may not necessarily conclude in every aspects of the relationship, but at least to some part or extent of it. Like for example who’s the top or who’s the bottom? Or in case of lesbians, who’s the fem or who’s the butch? I guess if not all, most of us are guilty participants.

Since homosexual relationship pertains to the same sex union, it is not a remote possibility that everyone in this kind of relationship has a role to play.

I remember that in most of my relationships I took the role of the man. Not necessarily because I want to dominate but because I have a natural tendency to be the leader, or to be the one in charge. And so most often than not, I took the driver’s seat, not literally of course. When it comes to sex, I have not gone bottom for any of my partners, although most of them have not done the same to their previous partners. But at one point or another, we got to resolve the issue and decide that I will be on top.

As I look back on those relationships, most of them if not all fail. Has the role playing got anything to do with the misfortune? I don’t know, but for sure I know something I learned from the past, that equality in a relationship is much more important than what does the tradition dictates. It doesn’t matter who is the “man” or the “woman” in the union, but most importantly is that both of you understand the value of listening to each others needs and making it reach across the borders of your relationship. Equality doesn’t just start in bed, equality means equal opportunities to both of you, equal time and effort to make the relationship happen, equal time to speak and engage with your emotions and feelings and equal passion to put that connection intact. Otherwise, you take a risk that many of us have done in the past and failed. So, let me ask you a question. Are you “man” or a “woman” enough to be equal? Or are you still on the conventional sort of way of a relationship who play “man and a woman union”?

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